Milena Kojović's avatar
Milena Kojović


3 min
Rated:
Mature

Play & Love


A Threesome With Bayonetta

Video games as foreplay

by Milena Kojović

Mark gazes upon that tight body of yours: perfect curves and insanely long legs. Your eyes are a cheeky promise nested behind black-framed glasses. You even have a sexy little birthmark on your chin, which gives you the look of an adult film actress.

A Threesome With Bayonetta | Video games as foreplay

“I feel like a fucking celebrity in this town,” Bayonetta’s impeccable British accent announces from the speakers on our huge Samsung flat-screen TV.

I remember the exact moment I decided to bestow you upon Mark. It was a year ago, and I was watching some random TV show on eSports Ginx TV. At one point, the host mentions Dante from the well-known Devil May Cry franchise. My curiosity is immediately piqued, as I have a huge crush on him.

“Now meet Bayonetta, Dante’s kid sister,” the host continues. “Don’t get blinded by her scorching good looks though, for this feisty heroine is more than just a pretty face and you’re about to find out why.”

Okay, now you have my attention, I think to myself. Go on.

“… Hideki Kamiya fathered both the heroes…”

Well, that makes perfect sense. When I think about it, you and Dante are pretty much equal in terms of awesomeness. Well, except for that raven-black hair of yours that occasionally transforms into a lethal weapon with a mind of its own. In those moments, you become completely naked with your killer hair strategically covering all the best parts.

The show is not even over, and I’m already Googling you. I decide to visit eBay. I stare at the cover photo of you, doing my best not to drool at your amazing physique. There is basically just one question that separates me from one of the hottest gaming experiences in the universe:

Do you want to add this item to your shopping cart?

My hesitation lasts a millisecond. As I click the BUY NOW button, the “Shut up and take my money!” meme flashes through my mind. I smile conspiratorially as another naughty thought starts to occupy my little gray cells. It’s more like an invocation, really:

Come to me quickly, Bayonettafor you, Mark, and I are going to have a threesome.

In this moment, a strange intoxication overtakes me: I am the Gaming Pimp. My kinky side is wide awake. I yearn for Mark to experience the same thrill.

And then you arrive, strutting your stuff.

Mark seems pleasantly surprised at my gift, yet he remains stoic. He wants to see you in action before giving his seal of approval.

The moment of truth finally arrives. It even seems like the PS3 spins you eagerly. The prologue rolls. Mark gazes upon that tight body of yours as it threatens to jump out of your second skin of fine hair, tailored to follow your perfect curves and insanely long legs. Your eyes are a cheeky promise nested behind black-framed glasses. You even have a sexy little birthmark on your chin, which gives you the look of an adult film actress.

A silent, growing jealousy takes root in me. I squeeze the controller frenetically, hoping to pull off a good combo. Mark is throwing admiring glances my way.

“Hmmm… did I ever tell you that you’re my Bayonetta?” Mark’s voice is hoarse with lust.

“Come on! You didn’t even know who she was a couple of hours ago.” I do my best to shoot him a coy smirk, but I’m feeling intimidated by the epitome of sexiness on the screen.

“Seriously, you’re wearing glasses too and you can be pretty tough when you want. Playing this game with you gives me a boner.”

“Well, it definitely isn’t hard to understand why.” I try to sound casual, all the while killing minions and smaller bosses. In one particular moment, Bayonetta transforms into a bird that devours a gigantic worm.

“Wow, what a woman! That was some seriously nasty Freudian crap, but I think it’s hot anyway!” I say.

Silence. Then…

“Want to join me in the other room?” Mark seems impatient all of a sudden. His horniness is palpable. I start to feel tension in my lower belly, but I’m playing it cool.

“Hmmm, let me think about it…” I raise my right eyebrow, aware of the effect it will have on him. He is eager to get me in bed but I decide I won’t make it easy for him.

I continue playing, eyes straight ahead. Gameplay seamlessly fades into one of the numerous cutscenes. The timing is perfect, as the camera pans to a full-screen shot of Bayonetta’s shapely pelvis, the detail obvious under the skintight suit.

Mark has had enough. He swiftly approaches and starts to pry me away from the game. I playfully resist, which stokes his fire more, and he transforms into a true hentai beast, embracing me from behind. He gently grabs my thighs as they tremble like scared animals. Then his hands are lost under my blouse. My breath gets short and heavy.

I use Bayonetta’s go-to seduction line, “You want to touch me?” but then build upon my own question with, “Or perhaps you want me to touch you?”

My hands quickly find their way to his zipper, and I’m playing with a different controller now. This is a game I’m very good at. Mark has a hard time giving in, but he allows me to take control.

His groaning builds, and I have no desire to prolong his climax. I feel his stiffness pulsing in my hand, which entices me to speed up the pace of my stroking. Suddenly, his body contracts and then relaxes. He gives me one of those familiar smiles of satisfaction.

“You know, I think you’ve just set a new personal record. You sure know how to play this game. I think I like you more than Bayonetta!”

I smile coquettishly, light a cigarette, and walk back to the Playstation. I’ve got a lot more ass-kicking to do with Bayonetta tonight.

Geeks Need Love Too

The romance of video games

For many of us, video games figure into our everyday lives — and into our relationships, too. Sometimes we’re licking real life’s wounds while hiding out in some RPG, other times couples are learning how to move and fight as one, and other times we are just using a game as foreplay. One thing is for sure, lots of us are doing it.

One man. One broken heart. One rented video game. You’ll never guess what happens next. Ok, he plays the game. Heartache becomes escapism within a classic RPG, and maybe he’ll even get the girl. But probably not.

Love & Smash Bros. is an amazing tale of

  1. Winding down and letting it all hang the fuck out

  2. Dealing with the pressures of life that we all deal with

  3. How the right Player 2 can make life’s challenges so much easier to manage. We enjoyed it so much that it was the first short film we shot of one of our stories.